


Beware the Well-read Dwarf

by Mynuet



Category: The Hobbit (2012)
Genre: Crack, Kink Meme, M/M, Shovel Talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-22
Updated: 2013-04-22
Packaged: 2017-12-09 06:08:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/770881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mynuet/pseuds/Mynuet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You have to look after your own, right?  So when Dwalin is messing around with Ori's best friend, Ori takes it upon himself to have a little talk about heartbreak and why it really, really shouldn't happen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>From this prompt on the kink meme: http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/7346.html?thread=16107698#t16107698</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beware the Well-read Dwarf

"Mister Dwalin? Sir?"

The voice was familiar enough, even if he still found the hesitancy a bit grating. Why didn't the boy ever get to the point? Dwalin continued sharpening his favorite dagger, but nodded to let Ori know he could enter.

"I just, I wanted to know if I could talk to you, just for a bit?" Dwalin didn't bother to respond, and the words kept burbling out of the young dwarf. "You see, Mr. Fili, he's my best friend. He's always helped take care of me, and he got me my apprenticeship and, sir, you understand, he's very important to me, and I know you and he are… are..."

"Fucking." 

If anything, Dwalin had expected that the coarse word would send the little dwarf scurrying away, red as a beet and swearing never to meddle in anyone else's love life again. Ori went red, all right, but he slammed his hand down on the table hard enough to make the assorted weaponry on it dance. "No."

"Laddie, I think I'd know." Even if he had no idea what else was going on, he was certain of that. The not knowing was why he'd spent so much time hiding in the armory, wearing his blades down to razors with constant sharpening.

Ori's face tightened and he said, "You may be… What you said, sir, but Fili really likes you and it hurts to have your heart broken, sir, it _hurts_ , and I won't have you doing that to him. I won't."

Putting down his whetstone, Dwalin moved the sword in front of him, resting the point of the sword on the ground and clasping his hands over the pommel. He'd seen seasoned veterans shake when he looked at them from such a position, but Ori just flinched and balled up his fists. "How would you propose to stop me?"

"Sir, I read a lot," Ori said. "I know that you don't respect that very much and I understand, I do, but sir - you need to understand what that means. You see, sir, there's a flower that grows on the mountain, I'm sure you've seen it, it's pink with tiny purple circles in the middle, almost like tiny bells or berries - technically they're the stamens, but…"

The boy was quaking, and Dwalin leaned forward to tell him to leave - possibly with a blow from the flat of his sword - but stopped when Ori said, "It will kill a full-grown dwarf if it so much as touches his tongue and, sir, you're not very careful when you eat."

"You--" Dwalin's back stiffened as he looked at the boy that had just threatened his life, shaking his head as he tried to convince himself it had really happened.

"There's other ways I could kill you without you knowing to fight back, and a few ways that, well, do you know the closed shaft off the Brimstone mine, the one marked as dangerous for flooding and played out?"

Dwalin nodded slowly, not sure where this was going and in any case still trying to work out how he felt about the fact that he believed the lad when he said he could find a way to kill him.

"It's not flooded or played out - there's actually strong indications that there's mithril there--"

"That can't be right! There'd be teams down there working day and night, even if it was just a small amount!"

Ori twisted his fingers together and said, "Not when it's surrounded by a glowing stone that makes your, um…" Ori pointed down briefly, the gesture conveying clearly the body part in question. "It makes it not work anymore. In one reported case, it actually shriveled and fell off, although accounts on that are mixed."

Staring in horror and resisting the urge to cross his legs, Dwalin actually dropped his sword when the boy said, "I've read all about containment and I'm almost certain I could get some without hurting myself. It wouldn't be hard to leave it somewhere, like under the table in here."

Dwalin scrambled to his feet, flipping the table over in his haste and sending a goodly number of weapons crashing to the ground. The boy had to jump back to avoid a glaive taking off the front of his foot and actually gave a little scream of fright. Part of Dwalin wished he could do the same.

"Did you want me to leave him, then? I won't." Even if he'd never be able to settle into any room ever again without checking thoroughly for glowing rocks. It would probably also be a good idea to start taking some care with what he ate.

Shaking his head, Ori said, "No, it's, I mean, it's none of my business. I just want Fili to be happy, that's all. I mean, what did you tell Oin when he and Balin started flirting? You have to look out for your own, right?"

Dwalin wasn't sure which was worse, the threat to his manhood or the sudden, eye-searing mental image of his brother and the company medic together. "You do," he said weakly, not sure he could take any more revelations without curling into a ball and crying for his mum.

"Right." Ori smiled, the same gormless smile as always, and Dwalin couldn't quite repress a shudder. "Thank you, Mister Dwalin. I'm sorry for keeping you - I've got to get back to the library before Mister Balin sees I'm gone. So, um, yes - I'll see you at dinner?"

Nodding weakly, Dwalin watched him go and then sank down in his chair. It looked like, for his own continued health and sanity, it was about time to have a chat with the young prince about what exactly they were doing. Although…

A small smile crept over Dwalin's face as he realized, well, hadn't the lad said that Fili liked him? Maybe there was some hope for an old warrior to be more than a temporary fling.

**Author's Note:**

> So, yeah, my first Hobbit fic. I was poking around the kink meme, contemplating whether I dared dip a toe in the fandom, and my little sister heard my idea and said, "Write it. Write it now." This was followed shortly by, "Post it. Post it now." So, at least half of the credit/blame goes to her.


End file.
